schmegmafest (schmegmafest) wrote,

My Fellow Americans

I wonder what George W. Bush calls gay people. I'm not talking about how he adresses them in the media. He just calls them 'Gays' or 'Homosexuals'when he's on TV because he doesn't want to piss them off since that would lose him some votes, and I'm sure in his mind even a gay vote's an A-OK vote. But no matter what the guy says on TV, we all KNOW he hates gay people. In fact, I don't think he was really into black people all that much either until Colin Powell and Condoleeza Rice started saving his ass.

What I want to know is what he calls gay people when he's just hanging out with his friends in Texas playing Nintendo, skateboarding or whatever else it is him and his buddies do these days. He certainly doesn't just call them "Gays" because that's acceptable, and I think I've made it pretty clear with vast amounts of evidence that he hates gay people. So he's gotta call them something that gay people don't like to hear.

So far, the verdicts I have are "Homo" "Faggot" and "Queer". Anything else, I think, would be too creative for him to come up with. I don't think he'd be clever enough to say something like "Butt Buddy" or "Pillow Biter". He's the kind of guy who just sticks to the basics.

I came up with a little excercise that can help me determine what he calls gay people. What I do is: I picture George W. Bush driving down the street, sticking his head out of his pickup truck window, and shouting something to a gay couple holding hands. Then, of my three selections, I choose which one sounds most realistic coming out of Bush's mouth. Go ahead, and read them all, then pick the one YOU think sounds best, and afterwards, I'll show you MY decision.

"I'm George W. Bush, and I approve of this message, homo's!"

"I'm Geroge W. Bush, and I approve of this message, faggots!"

"I'm George W. Bush, and I approve of this message, queers!"

I don't know about anybody else, but right off the bat "Queers" sounds like the most appropriate choice to me. I think that, for most of his life, George W. Bush called gay people "Queers", however, fairly recently, the word "Queer" has become somewhat acceptable in the gay community. For example, look at the titles the shows "Queer Eye For the Straight Guy" and "Queer as Folk", and there are terms which are used such as "Queer Cinema". Because of this, I'm sure the word "Queer" has become somewhat of a turn-off for Mr. President.

With that taken into factor, the next best choice, in my opinion is "Faggots". It's a little more powerful than "Homo's" and just seems like it fits coming out of the Presidents mouth.

So there you have it. Yet another mystery debunked by Mark Gallagher. Tune in next week when I determine what type of wood Klan members prefer for cross burning.
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